The Chronicles of Stevo

ive moved to LJ. GenuineSmile29

The harder I pursue love the faster it seems to run...

It's strange how two people tell eachother that they're always there for the other if they need someone, but never go to the other when they do...

I hope you had an enchanting Valentine's Day

...I can't make myself happy...my happiness relies totally upon the actions of other people...

Okay..things not going so well...

This past weekend was jam packed. First, when I got home on Friday I had to go shopping for black pants (yeah I know I shouldnt have waited this long but I got really cool ones!). Then on Saturday I sleep in (a little) and then go to the Winter Showcase which consumes my day (very tiring). So on Sunday I realize just how freakin big my pile of homework is. Its huge, like an hour for each of 5 classes...So I try to get homework done that day but It's hard because I'm nop stressing out about it and Ive contracted some illness that is draining me and making my whole body sore (not fun).
So today I didn't go to school (because i felt like crap) and stayed home and slept in and got lots of work done and vegged out. But now its 11:00 on Monday, I just found out I have more homework to do for tomorow, and found an assignment that was supposed to be today but I didnt know about so I have to do it now and turn it in tomorow...
*Feels like shooting himself*

sigh...what's wrong with me?

You Are 20 Years Old

20 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Today was an okay day. Pretty standard stuff except for Architectural Design instead of CAD. I wasnt sure if I was going to like it becuase CAD had been practically no rules just making whatever i could cunjure with my imagination with 3d studio max. It turns out that our teacher is British (I dig British accents) and just as layed back as Mr Domina. He pretty much told us that the class would be easy and almost purely an outlet for artistic expression so that was cool.

I'm begining to feel like a friend is ignoring me... I mean, lately she hasn't talked to me. We stop in the hall and greet eachother but if I wait for her outside a class she'll say hi and then leave...like I want to talk to her because shes nice to talk to and that was why i was waiting outside her class...

So my day today was really long and difficult and tiring, I think I might be going deff, and being miserable today pissed someone else off so over all I'd have to rank this day as pretty low. Still feeling all the stuff I posted about yesterday except...it's like there are things that happen that make me happy but some part of me is resisting actually letting them make me happy because there only moments and aren't actually a solution to what's making me unhappy...

Whatever...I have music, which is all that keeps me going...

I've returned to my blog once again...it seems there's no better place for me to dump my misery. I am tormented by love, it occupies my mind day and night. Wether I'm happy or sad or angry, I'm always thinking about love. I'm not sure wether being a hopeless romantic is a gift or a curse. I've got this idea in my head of the perfect relationship...it's like, I dont want to start a relationship unless im sure that it's going to be this perfect relationship that I'm searching for. I'd probably be in a relationship right now if I hadn't stopped myself and pulled myself out of it. The person was too close to my heart. I had been friends with her for a long time and after seeing my last two relationship mess up friendships I didn't want to risk this one. Still...the moment that the two of you become aware of eachother's feelings everything changes...forever.
So I've gathered that everyone else in the world (normal people) don't date people in search of the perfect relationship but they're actually learning what they're looking for in a relationship so that they can more accurately identify the right person when they come along (go figure). So here I am wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do. Risk friendships and learn what I need in a girlfriend? of play it safe and wait? On top of that...of all the girls I've thought of being able to date, which of them make good friends for me and which ones would make good girlfriends? All the time I wish that I had someone that I was very close too, but not a girlfriend (I've kinda always assumed this person would be a girl). Like, someone that I could talk to about anything and who would always be there to comfort me, and I are. I so wish that I could have that...but seeing as how all my (female) friends are scattered across the county (magnet schools since 3rd grade) I don't think this if very likely *sighs*.

In other news...
Sometimes I feel like I'm different, maybe I'm not, maybe this is a conception that everyone has, maybe I am. At times though...Im not really sure that there is a girl out there for me (right now) because I put in to and expect so much out of a relationship.

Sometimes I'm not sure where I belong. I've got so many groups of friends but I'm like a wanderer...always moving...a lone wolf. I've decided that I'll settle down when I find a girl to whom I can sing "You're my home" by Billy Joel. Also...I've been composing this song in my head...and when I know that I've found the right girl, the perfect girl, I'll be able to sing it to her as she falls asleep in my arms and it will be the most romantic thing i ever do :) cant wait.

I found this college I like...except it costs $40,000 dollars a year *scratches it off college list* :(

I dont know what life has in store for me, but I wish I had someone to stand by my side while I took it head on.

I think my blog has officially died. I dunno, I just never feel like putting down my feelings here, I want to keep them inside. Its kind of massichistic at times but it's part of who I am...
Perhaps we'll meet again someday...
~Stevo
:*(